


Why oh why would you want to die?

by Michaelgavinfreejones



Category: Achievement Hunter, Rooster Teeth
Genre: Cutting, Dating, Depression, Gay Male Character, M/M, Male on Male, Mavin, RageHappy, Romance, Suicide, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-02 09:16:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michaelgavinfreejones/pseuds/Michaelgavinfreejones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin has been suffering with depression for over a year. It’s finally starting to break him down until he is pushed over the edge of wanting to be non existent. Can Michael help Gavin before things go from bad to worse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! So this is my first fic on the site. I hope you guys enjoy. There is in fact some triggering moments such as depression, cutting, and actions upon suicide. The cutting isn't really a big deal and I never really made it that noticeable, but the depression and actions upon suicide/suicidal thoughts are very open. I apologize if this upsets people and truthfully this is probably the only depression-fic I will make. Enjoy!

I’m sorry, I couldn’t keep my promise. I can’t help but feel joy when I see that blood flow down as I cut the hidden parts on my legs. I can't help but smile at the stinging touch it gives me. Even though I know I’m going to regret it later, for the moment it feels great.

I make people upset when I walk by, I know everyone wants me gone. Lucky for them they won’t have to see me for long. I’ll be gone by tonight. I heard it’s going to be clear skies, possibilities of meteor showers. It’ll be beautiful, a perfect night to die.

Well the weather forecast was wrong, it’s raining. Not that it matters, I don’t actually mind the rain, I just wanted to see a clear sky before I left, but this will have to do.

I’m now at the bridge. The water’s current seems nice, a bit bumpy but I’d prefer it like that. The ledge is a bit slippery from the rain. That’s alright, it’ll prevent me from second thoughts I guess.

"Hello?" A man called out from behind me. Just great, a distraction. Better shoo him off, unless, well, he wants a show.

"Better leave unless you want a show of a man about to die." Great choice of words Gavin, now he’ll never leave.

"Hey… You want to jump?" I heard him sigh, I don't know why he cares really. My body is scarred up inside and out. I’m an idiot. He doesn’t know me, why does he care if I fall off the face of the earth right now?

"Just leave me alone. You don’t know me, I’m a worthless, idiotic, cowa-"

"My name’s Michael…" The man spoke halfway thru my sentence. Why was he telling me his name? That’s not going to help me stay on the bloody bridge, the idiot.

"What does that matter? So I know your name that’s not going to stop me from ju-"

"So what’s your name?" That bloody knob! He needs to stop interrupting me or else I’ll just jump right in front of him. Bloody idiot…

"Gavin… Now will you leave me alone?"

"Nope." Great. "You said to leave you alone because I don’t know you. Now I know you. Why don’t you come down a second."

I don’t know why but at that moment I felt some tears fall down my face mixing with the rain. This Michael guy actually really wants me down or he’s just a really great actor. Either way there’s something about this man that’s making me have second thoughts about jumping and it’s making me feel both relieved and annoyed.

"If I come down will you leave me alone?" I knew he wasn’t going to, and something inside me really hoped he wasn't going to leave. This was the most I’ve talked to anyone in over a year without them giving me dirty looks or calling me a downer or telling me to die in a hole. It sadly felt nice to have this strange man appear.

"You know I won’t. Just come down, its cold and wet out. Why don’t you let me take you somewhere warm and talk okay?" When I looked down this Michael guy had a genuine smile on his face. The look he had pulled me to him that much more, and god it was annoying me, but of course I gave in.

I jumped down from the ledge and Michael, though not knowing me well, gave me a hug. I could feel him turning his head towards my ear only to whisper “Thank you for not jumping,” and for some odd reason that drove me off the edge. I began to cry in this man’s shoulder. We stayed like this for several minutes before we parted and headed out to his car which he parked a few feet away. I guess he stopped mid drive when he saw me about to jump.

He drove me to his flat, it was small on the inside but it felt like home at least. By the looks of it the living room and kitchen were connected, beside it was a hall that lead to two rooms, I’m guessing a bathroom and bedroom.

Though it was warm inside I still shivered from the cold wet cloths I had on my body. I heard a slight chuckle from Michael who was now making his way to one of the rooms. “I have some spare clothes I think might fit you, come here a sec and I’ll give you a spare.”

His cloths where a tad bit larger but it made them more comfortable at least. When I finished changing I found Michael sitting on his little sofa and told me to join, which I did without hesitation. I still don't know what it is about this man, but there’s something about him that I feel drawn too.

"So, where do you live? Any where near by?" That was the one question I really hope he hadn’t asked.

"I got evicted from my flat not too long ago. I guess I have no where." I lowered my head feeling ashamed. It was only last week. I cut myself too deep and passed out. I guess someone heard me and barged into my flat and called an ambulance. The owners of the building kicked me out saying "We don’t condone mentally unstable users to the building." What ever, I didn’t need that place anyway.

"No where huh?" I felt his curious gaze upon my hidden face. I jumped a bit when I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder. "You can stay with me for a while until you find a proper living. My couch turns into a pretty comfortable bed and I have extra sheets and blankets."

I felt more tears fall down my face as I nodded. I also felt something I haven’t felt in over a year, a smile growing on my face. Not a false smile, a real one. It felt nice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has been suffering with depression for over a year. It’s finally starting to break him down until he is pushed over the edge of wanting to be non existent. Can Michael help Gavin before things go from bad to worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so this chapter (and the next one) came up so quick after each other because they were already pre made and on tumblr. After the third the chapters should up at least once a week, at most 2 weeks. Enjoy! (Triggers still apply)  
> Also sorry these a a tad short. I'll try and extend them a bit.~

The night was alright. The bed wasn’t very comfortable like Michael said but at least it’s a bed. When I woke up it was around 12pm. I guess nearly jumping to your death really wears you out, either way the sleep felt good at least.

"Good morning you sleepy ass, time for breakfast." Michael called out from literally behind my head. I jumped when he did and he laughed. I really didn’t want to get up, or eat, or do anything, but I could tell that Michael would pull me out anyway.

"What’s to eat?" It smelled like bacon and eggs. I can’t remember the last time I had that kind of breakfast, it smelled good.

"Oh only the best, Bacon and eggs!" Knew it. I was actually a bit excited to have it, weird I know but I haven’t had a real breakfast in over a year. I’ve never thought of eating much since it was a waste of time and energy, still two things I’ve never cared about, but I would rather sit around then take the time and energy to make a bowl of cereal.

"So how are you feeling?" Michael asked after setting down both of our plates and taking his seat across from mine.

"I’m alright." I really wasn’t but I didn’t want him to go out into his false worry like what everyone else does. It doesn’t matter to me anyway if I’m fine or not, I don’t even want to be here.

After a few minutes of small talk and eating Michael cleaned up both our plates and threw some clothes at my head.

"Get dressed I’m taking you out. You shouldn’t be cooped up in a house, you need stimulation." Like hell I do, what does he know what I need? It kind of annoyed that he was already bossing me around, but I didn’t want to take the energy out to protest, so I cleaned myself up and followed him out the door.

"Were are we going? I’m really not in the mood for anything just to let you know." All I really wanted to do was curl up on Michael’s couch and stare at the tv like I used to do at my own flat, but I knew Michael would leave a serious protest against it.

"I know, but I think you’ll like going out and unwinding a bit. We’re going out to see a movie and then hit the streets for a while. Maybe when it gets dark we can go out for some drinks at the bar near by." I did like the sounds of that. Get my mind off of the world for the day doesn’t sound too bad.

Well the film wasn’t awful, the only thing playing was some animation with dragons of some sorts. Michael and I didn’t really pay attention to what was on the screen, we actually only talked and made fun of the voice acting. It felt nice to laugh for once.

We skipped out on the bevs, mostly because we forgot all about them and went straight back to his apartment after roaming the streets for a while. I actually had the best time tonight. I was hyper and made stupid jokes like how I used to few years back before my depression hit.

When we actually made it back into his living room I found myself collapsing onto his couch bed, since I had no time putting it back into the couch itself, and for some reason it felt really comfortable. After a few moments of laying in the joy of comfort I felt the bed dip at a sudden weight change. I turned my head and found Michael laying beside me, it made me blush lightly that he was so close to me in a bed, but I managed to hide it.

"So how was the bro date?" It made me chuckle when Michael said ‘date’. I had to admit though, it was a lot of fun.

"Yeah, it was really nice. Thanks Michael." And then Michael gave me that stupid smile that makes me feel like I’m being pulled to him. I don’t know what it is about it but when ever he smiles at me I feel drawn to him and I can’t pull away. But for some reason I’m not complaining.

We stayed up on my couch bed just talking about ourselves. I’ve learned a lot about Michael. He lived in New Jersey for most of his life until he moved here. He was also an electrician, I think that’s what he said anyway, I wasn’t overly paying attention during that part.

"So what about you? Tell me about yourself Gavin." Oh how I could write a bloody book for him. Were my life started, were my life lead me too where I am now. There’s so much to tell and most of it is just boring crap he wouldn’t care about.

"Well, for starters I lived in Oxfordshire. I moved here looking for something better in life but, to be honest, nothing good came out of it. My family stopped any communication connecting us. They basically blocked me out of their lives after I moved. I’ve lost many jobs, including my flat, and I just kept spiraling down. Everyone around me tells me I’m a waste of space and that even heaven wouldn’t want me. Soon I thought that if everyone thinks this way about me that maybe their right. Maybe I shouldn’t be here."

We both grew quiet for a while. It wasn’t long into the silence when I felt Michael wrap his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. It felt nice to be comforted for once. I really didn’t want him to let go.

Well half way through the night Michael fell asleep. I couldn’t find it in me to do the same, even though Michael beside me felt warm and safe. I don’t know what it was but it felt like something inside my head was suddenly starting to click…

I don’t think I like it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has been suffering with depression for over a year. It’s finally starting to break him down until he is pushed over the edge of wanting to be non existent. Can Michael help Gavin before things go from bad to worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like a I said last chapter this one came up extremely early because it was pre made. Next chapter should be up next week. (Triggers still apply. Suicide trigger.) Enjoy~  
> Also this one is A LOT shorter than the last. I'm going to extend the next ones. This one was just a bit rushed on time and I had a brain fart. Still hope you like it~

I woke up the next morning and saw Michael sprawled out across the bed from me. I was really glad he wasn’t still curled up against me, even though I enjoyed the comfort, it would of been impossible to leave.

I slowly crawled out of the bed with little movement, hoping not to wake Michael up. I gathered any belongings I had around his living room and made my way to the door, taping a little note that read, “Thank you for being such a kind stranger and a wonderful friend. You made me realize what true friendship feels like, and I am very grateful I was able to have that experience before I left. I hope I get to see you again in the clouds. Don’t be too mad. Gavin.”

I looked over at Michael’s sleeping body one last time. I had to admit, he looked like an angel when he slept. Absolutely beautiful. I really hope I can see it when I got home in heaven.

When I returned to the bridge it felt different. I don’t know why but this time it’s less peaceful. When I looked over the edge all I felt was fear, and anger towards myself. I tried stepping up on the ledge but something at the back of my mind made me stop, and I didn’t know why but I began to cry. I’ve never cried at the thought of death before. I actually felt scared to jump down.

_Michael_

What the bloody hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I do anything right? I can’t even die properly. I’m pathetic. I’m a coward. I’m a useless piece of shit.

                       _Michael?_

Why am I doing this? Why the fuck did Michael have to come last time? I could of been at peace by now.

                                             _Michael!_

I wonder how mad Michael is right now. I hope he doesn’t hate me. I didn’t mean to make him worry, I just felt like I needed to do this. The only problem is, I haven’t done anything yet.

                                                                                  _Michael…_

I couldn’t get Michael’s name out of my damn head. Every time I thought of jumping off this bridge, once and for all, his stupid perfect face kept popping u. Why do you do this to me? Why can’t I just leave in peace?

I felt my knees starting to give out on me. Why was I so weak? I can’t even keep myself up. I collapsed on the ground and curled up in a ball, leaning against the railing of the bridge. I cried harder than I ever have in my life. I hated this feeling. I feel like I’ve failed. Most of all I feel like I’ve hurt Michael. Knowing that is hurting me more than anything right now.

I don’t know how long it’s been but I’m now soaked from the rain that began to fall around an hour ago. I still can’t find it in me to stop crying.

I didn’t jump in surprise when I felt arms wrap tightly around me. I didn’t react when I heard my name in soft hushed tones. I didn’t move when I felt a hand rub up and down my back. What I did do was cry and repeat how sorry I was. The last thing I knew I was in Michael’s car, quickly driving back to his apartment.

What the bloody hell have I done?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has been suffering with depression for over a year. It’s finally starting to break him down until he is pushed over the edge of wanting to be non existent. Can Michael help Gavin before things go from bad to worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Triggers still apply. Cutting Trigger)  
> So I'm just not going to promise longer chapters because I'm just not able to do that yet. I'm working on it. Still a noob and all.  
> Also this chapter didn't take a week at ALL. But you know, what ever right?  
> As Ray would say, Yolo am I right?!  
> Enjoy~

When morning came around I didn't move out of Michael's grasp. In fact I've been awake for almost an hour and I haven't moved yet. I felt terrible from the moment I woke up. I hated how I put Michael through that. God knows how crazy he most have been trying to find me after he woke up. I shouldn't of done that, but at that moment it felt like the right thing to do.

I'm sure he'll understand when and if we talk about it today. How the hell do I explain that? 'You made me feel better but I still wanted to die'? I'm not even sure why I went back, I still wanted to die but then again I didn't. I'm really not sure myself.

I still don't feel right today. Not so bad that I want to jump off a bridge, that thought makes me sick already, but I still don't feel normal.  
I slipped out of the bed slowly and creped towards the kitchen. I know I shouldn't do this, especially with someone else's tools, but I felt like I needed some sort of escape, and if jumping away from it is too much then I'm sure a new scar would be just fine. Right?

Well I found a pretty decent sized knife. It wasn't too big, just one of those small steak knives people have around the kitchen. I took it to the bathroom and stared at it for a while before rolling up the sleeve from Michael's large sweater. I was happy it was over sized, it made it easier to pull up the sleeves. I've seen no point in hiding the scars in hidden places anymore. No one really cares anyway. 

I looked at my bare forearm then back down at the blade. My hand was shaking a bit as I pulled the blade closer to my skin. When I felt the cold metal just barely touch I felt a ping in my chest and immediately pulled it away. I didn't actually cut the skin yet, but I felt a shock of grief when I was about too.

"Gavin?" Bloody hell, Michael's awake. I better hurry before he thinks I've run off.

"Gavin!?" Fuck, I hear him running around. 

"In here Michael!" I can't go out there yet, I still have his bloody stupid unused knife! If I hide it under the sink maybe he won't find it right away, and when he gets to his bedroom later I can sneak it back?

"Gavin!" Did he not hear me? I said I was inside, the idiot boy.

I quickly threw the blade under the sink and walked out of the bathroom. I felt a bit guilty when I saw the sight worry in Michael's eyes when he saw me come out. I guess anyone would after what I did yesterday, but I truly don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon.

"Yeah sorry, I was in the bathroom." I avoided eye contact, knowing very well the look he was giving me would make me feel even more guilty.

"Jesus Christ Gavin, you could of answered me."

"I did, I called out but I guess you didn't here me." The boy yells so much he probably gave himself a hearing problem. Silly spaff.

"Alright, well anyway are you feeling okay?" 

"What?" I knew what he meant, I'm not really sure why I asked. He's asking if I'm okay enough to talk about the incident of last night. Truthfully I would rather forget all about it but I think he's going to push it out of me 'for my own good.'

"Do you... Do you want to talk about yesterday? Like why you wanted to try that shit again and leave me that note, scaring the shit out of me?" 

"Right.." I kept my head lowered and slowly sat beside Michael, knowing very well I should explain. He deserves that much at least. "I'm really sorry about that. I felt like I was falling again and needed to escape. At first I was pretty happy with the idea and was happy to be back at that bridge, but when I was actually settled and looked over the edge I felt, well, scared. I felt scared, alone, anxious, but most of all I felt like a complete and total ass hole. When I was about to step on the ledge all I could think about was... was how much I was going to hurt you." 

We stayed silent for a few minutes. I pulled my knees up to my chest and began to hide my face, I couldn't stand to look at Michael's face after all I just said. I couldn't tell if he was upset with me or just plain upset, but what ever it was it was keeping him silent. I wish he would say something, yell at me, tell me how much of an idiot I am and get it over with.

"You promise not to do that again?" I was a bit shocked when he finally spoke, and especially from what he said. I turned my head slightly, just enough for him to hear me.

"Yeah... I promise Michael."

"Good." 

Michael stood up after a few more minutes of silence and slowly made his way to his room, closing the door behind him. I don't know what he was doing in there, but he never came back out. I was alone, and truthfully I deserved it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has been suffering with depression for over a year. It’s finally starting to break him down until he is pushed over the edge of wanting to be non existent. Can Michael help Gavin before things go from bad to worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Triggers still apply. Cutting Trigger. Suicide Trigger.) Hope you guys enjoy! It was a lot shorter than expected but the next chapter might be up tomorrow or the next day. I just kind of needed this sort of 'scene' out of the way for the deep 'feelings' coming up (oops said too much?) Enjoy :)

That was possibly the worst night I've had in a while. I couldn't sleep a wink, I had way too much guilt to even think about rest. I've become such a bother to Michael, he'll probably want me out of here soon. If not I'll be very surprised.

I think Michael knew about my lack of sleep because when he walked in he looked a bit worried. He didn't really ask about it, and he completely beat around the bush about the second bridge incident. I really just wanted him to throw me out then and there because knowing he's keeping me here to be 'nice' is killing me more than anything. I know he hates me, I'd rather him say it and get it over with than anything really.

"Gavin..." Michael's voice brought me out of my thoughts. He looked extremely worried for some reason. How long have I been daydreaming for?

"Gavin can you hear me!?" That's stupid Michael, why wouldn't I be able to hear you? I'm laying right next to you, I'm looking right at you. And stop yelling that's only going to make me deaf you spaff.

"Fuck Gavin! Please speak at me!" Michael what are you-

Ouch! What the bloody hell was that?  It felt like someone just electrocuted my chest or something. When did it get so dark? I'm think I might be sleeping, but that felt to real to be a dream. Besides wasn't Michael just sitting beside me? 

_beep_

What was that? Michael? Why are there machines in your apartment? I don't think an xbox makes that noise.

_beep_

"He made it, good job boys."

Who made it? That didn't sound like Michael, what's going on where's Michael!?

"He's lost a lot of blood, thankfully the boy who brought him in was his exact blood type. Lucky man he is to have a friend like that."

A fri- Michael?! What did Michael do? Is he alright? 

**Wait**

_" I'm sorry Michael, I promise I'll buy you a new knife after this"_

**Wait a second!**

_"There, it's all cleaned up, like it never happened."_

**I didn't even go that deep!**

_"It'll be okay Gavin, just stay with me god dammit!"_

**What did I get myself into?!**

_"Fuck Gavin, you're bleeding out! I'm sorry Gavin, I'm so sorry!"_

**_Michael I-_ **

_"I should of stayed with you last night, especially after the bridge, I'm so sorry Gavin just please stay with me!"_

**Michael no, this isn't your fault!**

**_Michael I'm sorry._ **

"Gavin...They told me you'd be okay but you might be asleep for a few days..."

Is that... It's Michael! Bloody hell, why can't I wake up? I need to wake up, I need to tell Michael how sorry I am. I didn't mean to make him worry two bloody nights in a row, I'm such an ass! Michael, Michael I'm so sorry!

"You took a lot of my fucking blood you ass, better appreciate it." 

And he's laughing, he's laughing his heart warming laugh he does everyday since I've met him. He's being so nice, he's acting like none of this is my fault... Michael why?  
beep beep

"Gavin? You're heart beep is up. Don't stress yourself buddy, just rest easy. I'll be right here okay? You're not alone anymore."

_**Michael...** _


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has been suffering with depression for over a year. It’s finally starting to break him down until he is pushed over the edge of wanting to be non existent. Can Michael help Gavin before things go from bad to worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on making one more chapter after this plus epilogue. Hope you enjoyed :) and I will be making more fics in the future. I'm working on 3 as we speak.

I think my mind blacked out for a while. I can't remember how long it was since I heard Michael's voice, I really miss it. I'm aware of some things now and most of my senses are back. Before all I could do was hear the outside, what I couldn't do was see, move, talk or even feel, I was a dead body with the sense of hearing. At least it kept me from being lonely.

"Hey Gavvy day 5 my boy! oc says you should be awake soon, if not they think you might be..."

In a coma? Don't worry Michael, I might be man things but I know for sure I am not in a coma, I'm just not exactly here. I promise I'll try and wake up soon. God it's good to hear your voice again. You have no idea how lonely it is to be in the dark quiet space.

"I'll be staying for an hour then have to head out, I know I haven't been staying that long but things got kind of busy in the past few days. You better wake up in the next hour or else you'll have to wait til I get back."

Don't worry Michael, you are one of the first people I want to see when I wake up. I don't want to see some nurse or some doctor, I want to see someone I know. Jeez, I sound like I've been under for months. It's only been a week if I'm correct. Still, this week has been the longest I think.

I don't think I can last any longer than this really. I'm fully aware that I'm laying on a bed and know I'm in a hospital, it makes me sick knowing I can't move. I've tried waking up numerous times but so far there wasn't any luck. I just want to wake up!  
___ _

It's been another two days. Michael came in and is reading me a book. He didn't say what the title was but I'm glad he's reading it, it really helps my nerves. 

I'm starting to become more aware. My eyelids are starting to loosen up since this morning. I think it's almost time I finally wake up. I can just barely see red where a bright light is. Did they have to make is so bright anyway?

"And the end. Wow that book really sucked, I'm sorry buddy."

"It's okay Michael..."

I had finally woken up, my head turned slowly while he read the last sentence. It made me chuckle how hard he gasped when he heard me respond. I've never actually seen Michael smile so wide since I've met him, I've never notice that dimple before. It's cute.

"Jesus christ buddy! You're awake!" Michael grasped my hand tightly as he spoke. It was nice to feel some warmth from them.

"Yeah... Surprisingly enough it feels like I haven't slept a wink."

"That's not really surprising, I've heard that happens. I'm just glad you're awake now. You have no idea how worried I've been."

When Michael said this I felt a sharp sting in my chest. I had forgotten the reason I've come to this hospital, and now knowing how worried Michael's been for me makes me feel sick. Nearly ashamed.

"Michael I-"

"I'm sorry Gavin..."

He's sorry? He has nothing to be sorry about! I've been a stupid spaff and made Michael worry once again. 

"Michael you-"

"I should've stayed with you that night. I knew you were upset, I knew you needed comfort, but I left you. I said I wouldn't and I did... I'm really sorry."

_Oh Michael..._

We stayed in silence for a few minutes before we called in a nurse to check me over. Shortly after a doctor came in to do some tests. 'Said I'd be fine but should stay one more night just to be sure. He also wants me to go to a therapist for my 'mental health' and Michael really seemed to like that idea. I guess I have to go now.

"Great, we have the best in the city. I'll book an appointment for you, your first session should be next week. I'll have her call you when she has a free spot."

I really didn't want to go but I agreed. I knew Michael would really want me to go, and for what I've put him through this was the least I could do for him. 

"Top. I'll keep my phone on then."

The doctor and nurse left, leaving only Michael and I to our thoughts but only briefly. After a few minutes Michael stood up and sat at the edge of my bed, fairly close to my head.

"Hey Gavin... I've been meaning to do something, but well, you were kind of out of it when I was really going to so.."

Michael turned and gently grasped the side of my face. He held it there for a few moments before slowly going in. Our lips made contact in the most sweet and caring way. We kissed for a good minute before finally separating. 

"Well Michael... It's a good thing I was meaning to do the same."  


	7. Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Gavin has been suffering with depression for over a year. It’s finally starting to break him down until he is pushed over the edge of wanting to be non existent. Can Michael help Gavin before things go from bad to worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if the chapter number is working. I added the chapter 7 as the final chapter but the '?' keeps showing, incase that happens this is infact the last chapter. :) I hope you guy enjoyed and note I will be making more fics in the near future.   
> Happy Holidays!

It’s been a few days since I came out of the hospital. It was nice to sleep on an actual bed, not one of the rock hard hospital ones. My first night home felt amazing, especially with Michael there. I don’t think I got up till noon the next day, he made the bed way too comfortable. He told me it was just because I was sleeping on hard beds in the hospital, but I know for a fact it was because of him.

My first therapy appointment is today. I’m not too thrilled with it but Michael seems to be excited, so I guess I shouldn’t back out. Her name was Ms. Luna. We talked mostly about my life, why I could of felt like this, how my family is, if my family is nice to me. I didn’t get how this was going to help me out but I have to stay for Michael. It makes him happy so I have to try, for him.

When I returned home I was greeted with the biggest hug I’ve ever felt. I threw myself against him. I breathed in every scent Michael carried, it was very relaxing for some reason. We walked to the couch and continued the hug there. I laid ontop of Michael while he half laid down across the couch. I loved it when he would pet down my hair, it was one thing I really enjoyed him doing to me when we cuddled.

"Hey Gav, I want to take you somewhere nice."

"Hm?" I was already half asleep in his arms. He always had that effect on me.

"I want to take you out somewhere really nice. After your nap I want you to wash up and dress up okay? You’ve been locked in that stupid hospital for over two weeks, you need a nice night out."

I could only nod. The thought of going out on our first date was amazing, but sleep was suddenly over taking me and I couldn’t stay concious any longer. I felt like I could sleep on Michael forever.

The day Michael stopped me from jumping was the day I started to feel something, something other than the pit of numb I had left in my chest.The day Michael drove me home and told me I could stay was the day I finally felt the true meaning of love and friendship. The day I tried it all over again was the day I felt like I was becoming whole again, when

Michael held me was the moment I felt something more, but the real moment, the moment I laid in that hospital bed for two weeks, was the moment I felt true love for Michael. I’ve never been so sorry yet so happy in my life.

__

Michael took me to Olive Garden for the evening and it was truly amazing. It was nice to actually relax with him and have a nice dinner especially since he said he would pay for anything.

After the meal we drove home and watched some movies. I wasn’t overly interest in the film, I was more interested in Michael happily sleeping away on my shoulder. I felt my cheeks flush slightly as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist How am I going to get him to move into bed?

I must have dozed off not to long after because I woke up with Michael still wrapped happily around me and a terrible kink in my neck. I guess in a way it was worth it, see how happy he looked sleeping on me. I began to pet down his curls before finally realizing he was waking up.

"Ngh… Gavin?" His husky voice raised as he began to look at me, still practically half asleep. "What the hell… What time is it?"

"Nearly 12. We both kind of fell asleep on the couch last night. I couldn’t move you and I some how fell asleep after you. Not sure how considering how bloody uncomfortable it is on this damned sofa."

Michael smiled, showing off his little dimple. I always wanted to pinch it like what grandma’s do. Not sure why, it just looked very pinchable. “Hey Gav.”

"Yes Michael?"

I felt his hand gently cup the side of my face as he leaned in, giving me a deep and generous kiss. “I’m really happy to have found you in my life.”

I felt a smile appear as he said these gentle words. “Yeah, I’m really happy too.” As I felt Michael’s head rest gently on my chest, I knew for a fact that someday I could be whole again with him.

______________ ___ ~Epilogue~ ___ __________________

It’s been a few years since Michael and I have been together. I still see a therapist and in a way it has helped a bit. Not as much as everyone says it does but it’s a start. They also started me up on antidepressants and those are still trying to take effect, but overall I’ve been feeling better than I have when I met Michael.

Michael and I are engaged now and live in a small house surrounded by the woods. It’s a very peaceful spot and the nature is really relaxing. I think it’s doing us well here. Michael chose the area saying that the peace and quiet would be good, and truthfully I couldn’t agree with him more.

After a few months of living in our home we decided to buy a kitten. It’s a small one with dark and light gray stripes trailing his body. Michael made the mistake of giving me the option of naming the little one. Her name is now Egg. When Michael tried to change it I would heavily decline and soon he gave up and we kept the name. I think it suits her well.

Knowing how much Michael affected my life I would have to say it’s a blessing to have met him. I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for him, but there’s no way I could ever make it up for him other than being here for him. 

Thank you Michael.


End file.
